Better Than a Family Vacation
When I was growing up we always ate family dinner together and on the weekends breakfast and lunch were added to our family meals.
As teenagers, missing family meals in my family was not an option. We were expected to be there and my mom went to great effort to accommodate everyone’s busy schedules.
Family meals became a tradition.
It did not matter what we were eating - although that became a tradition as well, but that is a story for a different blog entry... What really mattered was that we were together as a family at a predictable time every day.
We had the opportunity on a daily basis to connect with the people who mattered most. It was a time to relax and unwind. It was a time to catch up on other people’s lives. It was a time for conversation. A chance to learn more about one another. An opportunity to listen and to be heard.
It is no surprise then that when I had children it was very important to me to carry on this tradition.
There have been numerous studies on eating family meals together and basically they conclude that it is a very good thing to do. Studies have shown that children who eat with their family at least five times each week perform higher in school, they are healthier and they are less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol.
It has been found that eating meals together anchors the family in a way that is much stronger than vacationing together since meals occur more frequently.
We know it is a good thing, but it can be complicated. In the surveys many people stated that there are too many obstacles. It is difficult to find time or coordinate busy schedules. Some complained of picky eaters. Others blamed rising cost of food or they don’t enjoy cooking.
So what is the proper formula for family meals?
Some have suggested that family dinner needs to move away from the “Food Court” mentality with “customers who need to be pleased”. Others have suggested what it should not be. It does not mean eating while watching television. It does not mean arguing the entire time. It definitely does not mean taking food into another room to work or to text friends while eating.
How then do we accomplish this major task of preparing meals and eating together as a family at least once every day?
I do not claim to have the perfect answer. My life gets fairly hectic coordinating schedules and as much as I love to cook, I freely admit that there are days when I do not even want to think about answering the question, “What’s for dinner”.
Somehow my family still manages to eat at least one meal together every day.
Here are a few basic guidelines that seem to work for me:
1. Eat dinner at approximately the same time every day
Remember how sometimes you try to make a commitment to go to the gym because you know it is good for you but you don’t really schedule a time? The day seems to disappear with other activities and before you know it the day is over. The same thing can happen with daily dinner plans. Therefore it is extremely important to make a commitment that dinner will be every day at ______time.
2. Plan ahead
Plan menus and shop for the entire week at one time.
3. Commit to the Dinner Hour
Let everyone in the family know what is expected.
4. Have dinner rules and follow them:
No electronics. No phones. No texting. No television.
5. Get the entire family involved in food preparation
Depending on ages of children various tasks can be assigned. Have family members recommend food items. Teach children how to prepare food. Let younger children help set the table. Take the kids shopping if possible. Spend a lot of time in the fresh fruit and vegetable sections of the store. Make sure the kids know the names of various produce. Teach them to understand food labels and watch for expiration dates. Assign different members of the family to plan, shop, prepare, cook and clean up after the meal. (This sounds like a lot of work, but basically isn’t this just an extension of what we normally do in raising our children in a way that prepares them to become responsible adults?)
6. Relax
During the meal take time to talk and listen. Show respect for each other.
7. Choose healthy food
If you don’t have time to cook it is perfectly fine to order take-out. Just make sure to choose healthy options. Family meals should nourish the body as well as the soul.
8. Variety
Select a variety of healthy foods. With fruits and vegetables try to get a variety of colors.
9. Make the table or dining area a peaceful retreat
Make the table attractive. This can be very simple like lighting a candle or using fun dishes. The point is to create an atmosphere where the family is comfortable and can relax. For variety, take the meal outside or go to a favorite restaurant.
10. Slow down and enjoy the moment
On good days family members will relax and linger after the meal. Clear off the table and play some board games.
11. Pay attention to dinner conversations
Dinner conversations should revolve around positive things individuals have done. It should not focus on the bad (those types of things can be dealt with later). Don’t act in a way that teens begin to associate the dinner table with lectures, criticism and anger. If it is not a comfortable space, they will not want to participate.
12. Dessert is not a reward
Many times I have heard parents say to their children, “if you eat your vegetables you can have dessert.” Try to focus more on health reasons rather than using food as a reward.
It is a lot of work, but it is definitely worth the time and sacrifice. Commit and eventually it will become a routine and a new family tradition.
Following are a few food web sites that may provide some inspiration. They have definitely helped me plan my weekly menus.
Our Best Bites
Epicurious
The Pioneer Woman
Everyday food
Cooking Light
Giada at Home
Jamie Oliver
There are thousands of other great food sites, but this is a good start. Let me know where you find inspiration. It would also be great to hear what you're having for dinner.
Cheers.
